Valhalla 2001

This years proud VC winner is a new star rising fast on golfs horizon.

Watch out Tiger ... stand aside Sergio ... piss off Badders ...

Joshua (Bousa) Souvannavong has arrived.

Making a late charge on the Saturday, (some have already compared his finishing round charge with those of the great Arnold Palmer) Bou climbed from the bottom of the table to knock off the wily old veteran Billy 'The Inseminator' Burglar.

As everyone knows, Bill rarely fires blanks, so no holds were barred on the Fridays play at LakeLands (nor in the Karoke bar that night). Subjected to a tough psycological game on the Friday, playing in 40 degree heat, Bou was often left to fend for himself in the rough with a couple of irons while his playing partners headed off in their air con golf buggies.

'Hurry Up !!! Hurry Up !!!' they would shout at Bou, in a manner that would have done The Blackboard (re. Mr Squiggle) proud. At the end of the first days play an exhausted Bou was dead last with Billy well clear of the field.

Billy was so confident in the likelyhood of his victory on the Saturday that he embarked on a night of alcohol fueled carousing that would have made John Daley weep, Ben Hogan wince and Walter Hagen rotate in his grave like a lamb on a spit.

Egged on by his beer swilling, golf playing cronies Crazy Man and Jake the Snake (who, as you might expect, both had poor 1st rounds) Billy started terrorising tourists and transvestites alike with his unique karaoke interpretations of classics by Queen, KC & the Sunshine Band and Throbbing Gristle.

Meanwhile, a distressed and clearly thoughtful Bou turned in early, to the the room of mirrors, where he dropped his dacks, put his head between his knees and had a good, long hard look at himself.

And he didn't like what he saw !!!

In the course of the next 12 hours Bou reshaped his entire game in his mind, tempered his resolve to a steely readiness and dwelled on the greats moments of the great game for inspiration. Bousa then stepped out on the 2nd days play to complete a truly amazing round of golf. Bolstered by the confidence of both his swing guru VP Porker and sports psycologist King Brian Boru, Bou took the Hope Island course by the scruff of the neck and violently shook an amazing 54 net points out of it to claim victory over Bill by 2 shots.

An amazing turn around that nobody but a handful of Indian bookmakers (with Bills mobile phone number) could have predicted.

A gracious loser with a hangover from hell in tow, Bill congratulated Bou and bade him well for his future in golf. Golf was the big winner at that magic moment.

Bou was so elated by his victory in his first ever Valhalla Cup that he embarked on a night of alcohol fueled carousing that would have bamboozled Bobby Locke, embarrased Teddy Ball and brought tears to Gene Sarazens eyes. Egged on by his beer swilling, golf playing cronies VP Porker and Bruce Brabham Jones (who, as you might expect, both had poor 2nd rounds) Bou started terrorising every firm rumped lap dancer he could find.

And so the Valhalla Cup 2001 was won.

A modern fable about the potential of self examination?

A strange tale of rectal musings and abusings?

A fairy tale finish to a block buster event?

A fitting start to a new epoch in golf?

A unprecedented opportunity to engage in unsolicited character assassination?

A celebration of some of the best and worst things that grown men are capable of?

A timely reminder that golf can be a lot of fun?

The Valhalla Cup 2001 was all of these and more.

Make sure you join the team for the next Valhalla Cup for your chance at golfing immortality.